all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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