I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
