I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
