How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
