talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
