woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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