I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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