I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
