Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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