when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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