so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
