Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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