I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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