I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
