I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
