just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
