You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
