I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
