Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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