Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
