My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
