yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
