I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
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