i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
