I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
