Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
