I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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