so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
