if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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