Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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