Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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