I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
