We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
