Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
