we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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