Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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