he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
