People in love make me want to vomit
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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