At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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