I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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