I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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