Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
