Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
