fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
