Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
