I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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