Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
as a side note pls kill me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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