come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
