nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I love you. Go after that dick
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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