Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
