I bet he comes in French.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
