With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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